momentarily convinced i should go to a foodcourt and get some food then go to a table and set the food down and argue with it, like gesturing wildly and yelling and hitting the food
next minor argument i get into i'm going to stop at a certain point and shrug and shake my head and say, 'you sir/madam, are nothing more than a sneeglish yumpkins, and i can't deal with you any further.'
habit of turning to the side after someone says something to you and then loudly saying, 'hmmm, an intriguing development!' then going back to paying attention to the person as though they couldn't hear/see you doing that.  
that shit where you wish you could--for a few days--live a looped 1-2 hours of a day in your life, like the 1-2 hours after getting out of work and going to sleep.
had a moment where it felt like my heart was stopping and i felt weird excitement and thought something like, about how the moment before you die you hear all the sounds you've ever heard, all at the same time.
that shit where you're listening to someone talk to you for a while and you want to interrupt and say, 'man i don't know, but does it ever feel like your skull is made of sand and there's a bunch of magnets working against each other inside of it?'
donating my corpse to anyone who promises to make a youtube video called, 'eating cookies with a corpse' where you/other people/whoever eat cookies with my corpse on the ground.
performance art piece where you try to do stand-up comedy right after someone smashes both of your hips with a sledgehammer
something to do if you're at someone's house is act like you're going to use the bathroom but then find a place to hide until that someone finds you, then not explain why you did that, then leave.
a violent but still very funny trend in crime would be pairings of people around the city wearing football helmets and 'sandwiching' strangers by running and headbutting the stranger in the stomach and back at the same time then running away.
one of the most evil things to say seems like 'why don't you take a dip in my pool' while smiling and gesturing  to a yard without a pool in it.
promising development in 'being depressed' where you feel open to doing/trying anything because you feel like shit anyway, and even if  you feel like shit doing/trying something else, you know that where you are/what you're doing is definitely bad so why not.


the truth is though, i would jump in front of a bullet for a squirrel/almost anything else
 most creative people who are intentionally trying to 'help people' or 'represent people' are probably (concretely) helping less people than those who don't have that in mind, via being ignorant and shortsighted
when people criticize/judge you it's usually more about him/her than you
people don't want you to genuinely change because it's easier to judge/dismiss a person who 'is' a certain way
going to start responding to blanket/generic 'help me promote my forthcoming book' emails with, 'only if you blow me.'  
hands up if you feel incredibly stupid being photographed/having your photographed used for something
i've gotten emails about like, writing/promotion advice or whatever, so i'm going to try and write an article on some thoughts and post it here.  ultimately i dont really have any advice and i'll probably never be in a position to give anyone any real insight, but i'll describe things surrounding getting books published and how things happened for me.  if you want me to focus on anything, email me and i'll try to incorporate it.   sampinkisalive  AT  gmail  DOT com.      i'm not trying to like, do one of those 'arrogant/sarcastic/condescending writer giving advice to newer writers' thing, i'm just trying to write about things that've happened.  so like, it won't be 'STOP WRITING ABUOT DREAMS!!!' or 'publish less!!' or 'pain isn't necessary to ART!!!!' or whatever other mean-spirited/jaded/passive shit other 'writing advice' columns are about.
the difference between writing about a topic that everyone perceives as 'deep/important' (and is therefore more confused/vague/publicly misinterpreted) vs treating any/everything as important because you're the one experiencing it, in this lifetime, at this very moment, without any relation to anyone else's experience at that very moment.
talkshow called 'pickin your brain and diggin your guts.'


'superhero depression' where you feel invincible because you approach every situation in a completely practical way, saying/doing the minimum that needs to be said/done, maneuvering through it and the people it contains without care/hope/ambition/ego and so completely prepared for whatever happens and however it ends, accepting in advance there is no preferable way and even if there were you wouldn't deserve it.
one thing about feeling like a different person all the time is being able to look back on recent events and not only not understand who you were/the way you were acting, but also doubling up on the self-hated (via hating yourself at the moment and then in review as well, as a different person waiting to be remembered negatively).
saw a guy dressed like a futuristic cowboy--half a pretzel rod in his mouth, treating the pretzel rod like a cigarette--and i knew he could kick my ass


thanks to everyone in lawrence, kansas.  really appreciate all the hospitality/kindness.


i posted a story called 'blood man' on this site.  it was cut out of 'witch piss.'


rest in peace mighty hunter.  you will be remembered as a psycho. anyone can tell by looking in your eyes.  hunt on mighty hunter.  may there be someone where you are to kiss your lion chin.  who could forget that one time when i was shadowboxing your face trying to annoy you and i accidentally clipped your chin with a punch and you stared off for a second with your mouth open then shook your head and were normal again. keep crip-walking mighty hunter. you fucking psycho.
i posted a story called 'fun' from 'hurt others' on this site.

can't figure out how to link shit that good so there's an ad for 'hurt others' before it, can't figure out tumblr.  i try to do shit and it doesn't work.

thanks to mandy 'sock mama' zeller for scanning this shit for me.
when young authors are portrayed as 'hip' or 'cool' or 'bad boys/bad girls' by journalists...that shit is so stupid.  save that shit for whatever D.O.A. young band is coming out.
when you wear a coat you haven't worn since last spring and you find a bent-up king cobra cap in the pocket


make like a hairdresser and die
casually eating a small pile of sticks during a televised interview
a pretty sweet blurb would be: 'love it! the literary equivalent of a totino's party pizza!!!!'
looking just far enough into the sequence of events that represent your future to foresee a feeling of 'now what.'

i'll mail a stapled 'chapbook' of the story 'fun' ripped out of 'hurt others' to whoever writes the 60th review of person on amazon.
read 'hallelujak giant space wolf' by daniel bailey.  i know since it's older than three months old no one cares anymore, but it's a great book.
really like 'when your number isn't up' by mark lanegan
whenever i read that shit about 'showing not telling' i think 'nah....tellem boy, lettem know.'
if anyone owns 'hurt others' and a scanner, and would like to scan the story 'fun' and post it somewhere, that would be cool.  let me know.   sampinkisalive  at g mail dot com
currently, my only goal is to one day have an audiobook out, read by roy jones jr.
'dead bird licker' never seems to be offered as a 'what do you want to be when you grow up' option

them ohio goons

this answer from jordan castro in this inteview is really funny:

It’s a really cool concept and something that really strikes us at Y-Mag. We are always on the hunt for people who sort of encapsulate this century, a zeitgeist for that present moment, could that be you???
Funny you mention that, Kate. As I’ve frequently expressed in past interviews, Zeitgeist is one of those rare books-turned-movies that really captures what it’s like to be pre-9/11 in a post-9/11 world. Rarely a moment goes by when I’m not able to not think about those who didn’t (or did) turn into men (from boys). I think the late Theodore Storm said it best when he saidZeitgeist was “a domestic drama and the record of a spiritual journey.”
want my 'thing' to be 'guy who LOVES everything bagels.'  like try and work it into everyday conversations.  'so you think the blackhawks will win the stanley cup again?'  'i don't know dude, but one thing's for sure, if the hawks want it as bad as THIS GUY wants an everything bagel right now, then fuck yeah! because brother, i loves me an everything bagel, and you know it!'
reality show called 'thass whassup!' where there's a room filled with 10-20 beds containing people too depressed to leave bed....how will they interact?  WILL they interact? what will happen!?
that shit where sometimes when you look at a word/words it looks like a weird painting/shape/hieroglyph for a second.
want to get business cards that say 'Googar Helnish, Corpse Impersonator and Tomato Farming Millionaire Bad Boy.'
that shit where you always feel like something happening in the moment, and so you have difficulty in life because you never feel the same, and you never feel like something that will be around in the future because, maybe you will, but you won't be the same, like everywhere you walk there's a little piece of ground following you around beneath your feet, but everywhere else is a deep pit
when you seek out the company of only your ringing ears at the end of the day
feel more interested in people who have strong opinions, even if i disagree with them, than people who are like, just whatever all the time