28.8.14

damn, in times like these, i just wonder which celebrity i should get my news/political viewpoints/worldview from...

27.8.14

the violence in chicago this summer....

25.8.14

fuck yeah it's complimentary....COMPLIMENTARY.  mallory whitten is awesome.


that feeling that the only interaction you want with people is biting one of their armpits as hard as you can.
considering yourself a guest no matter where you are/go will make you less terrible.
when someone tells you to be more open-minded but what they really mean is 'agree with me otherwise you're ignorant'
that feeling that your only contribution to society is wanting to respond to anything anyone says by just standing right in front of him/her and ssaying, 'fuck you' and standing there until s/he walks away.
there doesn't seem to be a way to peacefully disagree with people anymore.

21.8.14

part of me understands running towards a group of pigeons, yelling, 'nyahhh!!!!'
not showering long enough such that when you get caught in the rain outside, you think, 'hey this isn't so bad.'
carrying around a rock in your pocket so anytime you pass by people having a conversation you can say, 'that ain't shit, check this out' and hold out the rock while smile until something happens.
hugging and cheek-kissing a cashier after a regular transaction.
seemingly unprovoked feelings of total body euphoria and unlimited power while aimlessly walking around.
would like to hear Lil Herb EBK rap over The Blow's 'True Affection.'

20.8.14

one way to express how you feel is to keep wearing an unwashed pair of shorts that had a fish-oil capsule explode in the pocket.

19.8.14

felt depressed yesterday that 'pumping gas' isn't a job possibility anymore.  

18.8.14

being aggressively un-macho seems just as annoying and insincere as being really macho
when someone uses 'expectations' as a criterion for judging a work, as if their own pre-perception of something is an actual part of that something.
one of the major contributions of the current generation is taking a photo of yourself.
a while ago i posted about bullshit mass emails where people you barely know/probably don't like try to sell you their book.  here's a tasty one from Justin Taylor.  i've copied and pasted the whole thing and added my own notes (my notes are in bracketed in red bold).  

SUBJECT LINE OF EMAIL:  FLINGS: A new book, a party, many readings, and a preemptive apology



"[First, the apology: Sorry (1) for the impersonal mass email, [ok this is like walking into a dinner and taking off your shoe and holding it over someone's soup and being like, 'hey, sorry i'm about to dip my shoe in your soup, but, here we go!'] (2) if you receive it at multiple addresses, (3) if it's telling you something you already knew [really fucking arrogant to think anybody knows about this shit, outside of the friends you probably ear-beat/your publisher/agent/yourself in the mirror] (4) that you didn't want to know [hey, alright my man, now we're talking]. In case of any or all of the preceding, please know this is not a mailing list. It's a one-time announcement. No need to "unsubscribe." There's no subscription. It's already over. I swear.] [this is the same thing he said in fourth grade when he created a mailing list about his birthday party]


Now for the fun [hell yeah, what's more fun fro strangers than to read about someone detailing the events of their book release?]. Friends [...], Tomorrow marks the publication of Flings, my new story collection and hardcover debut [hey i THOUGHT tomorrow was something. at first i thought it was my day off, but no, tomorrow 'marks' the publication of a book i'll never read by a guy who's more or less a snobby asshole. haha 'hardcover debut.' cut to shot of justin in his room in front of the mirror and he's acting like it's a press conference and he asks himself the question, 'hey justin, we were all wondering, when are you making your hardcover debut?' ]. Early press has been generous and enthusiastic [fake humility]Publisher's Weekly, [who the fuck reads publisher's weekly] in a starred review [ wait, a starred review...nevermind!!], called it: "Contemporary, intelligent, and occasionally laugh-out-loud funny. These stories, by turns witty and piercing, together form an uncommon portrait of the human heart." [uh huh, so somebody used the common phrasings for any bullshit they favorably review. 'contemporary' well no shit it just fucking came out. 'witty and piercing'....ow ow, i've been pierced somebody help!]

You can read more of what's been said so far at my website.[phew, i was hoping there'd be additional information somewhere] If you'd like to buy a copy of Flings, I encourage you to do so from the local independent book store of your choice (if you don't know where your local indie is, click the link and enter your zip code; it will tell you). You can also of course order it online from Barnes & Noble or any of the other usual suspects. [the book is published by harper collins. totally indie. so hey, make sure you go indie because otherwise justin will feel bad about all the work his major publisher/agent/publicist/editor had to do]

The reading & launch party for Flings is tomorrow night, 8/19, at BookCourt in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn at 7 PM (drinks to follow). There will be several more readings in the New York area [phew!] throughout the fall as well as events in Seattle, Portland (Oregon), Boston, and Austin [sorry guys]. At almost every stop, I'm sharing the stage with one or several amazing writers, so it won't be a monotonous slog of Justin [a monotonous 'slog' of a man referring to himself in third person...fuck]. I will also be doing my Deadhead-best [damn, AND a grateful dead reference, this motherfucker is a black belt in annoyance] to vary the reading selection from night to night (just don't ask me to "jam," or we'll both be sorry) [tut tut tut, a joke!  in a literary mass email?!  why, this email is 'by turns laugh out loud funny and piercing!! i'm starring it!]. The event schedule appears below and on my website. Since this is, as I said, a one-shot email, the best way to keep current with news/publications/press/etc. is at the site, via Facebook, or on Twitter. [yeah, or like, just use the internet. like search for him or whatever]

Okay, that's it. Thanks to one and all for your friendship and support [two things almost nonexistent in the writing world]. I hope to see you at the launch tomorrow, and/or at one of the events this fall.

13.8.14

willing to negotiate a small fee to rewrite (not re-publish) 'person' or 'rontel' with a shittalking pile of shit on the main character's shoulder the whole book, but only he can see it/hear it.
if pets/animals could be used as references, i'd have a good job
doing the 'pussy eating/peace-sign with your tongue going through it' while eating food is the only genuine response i ever have
burying your head in a bulk candy/nuts/food bin at the store and just standing there
nothing beats the look on an asshole's face when you tell him the girl he keeps trying to talk to at the bar doesn't want to talk to him.
tackling someone and biting his/her ear with your lips over your teeth
doing a reading with a large overcoat on, pulled up over your head with a cat/dog balanced on you so it looks like you have a cat/dog head  
often think, directed at myself, 'control your bitch' when i start to feel paranoid or anxious
feel hopeful, even after so much disappointment, that one night my pillow will swallow my head
urge to kick a stack of waffles off a golf tee

12.8.14

i've always been a big fan of mackie osborne.

used to own the book with all her designs in it but it got stolen.
jumping out in front of someone at night, from hiding, to ask, 'hey what time is it.'
people who identify with abstract groups of people, much like people who follow fashion trends, wear uniforms for you to identify.

people who try to identify you as part of an abstract group are trying to uniform you.


singing 'war is coming' by six feet under at a karaoke night while holding a pina colada
the way that drugs sometimes lead to total selfishness rather than 'freeing you' like people claim.
a lot of life now seems like it's designed to happened so fast you don't even really have time to stop and figure out how stupid it is.  slowing shit down is a good way to appreciate it and/or break it down and get rid of it.
the way that, sometimes, a person saying, 'i think you'd like (something)' is a way for them to act like they know you/gain currency with you for 'understanding you.'
one of the only true compliments is 'i still can't figure you out/(something about being 'hard to read' in a figurative way)'
urge to only respond in written/audio interviews with a hulk hogan voice.
chapbook that, when opened, turns to dust, titled: 'your friends are just one method you use to make sure your weak-ass worldview and self-perception don't crumble like this bogus chapbook.'

11.8.14

all my people wearing umbros for underwear
when you sit on the train near a group of people, one of which is talking about how she doesn't want to watch 'titanic' because it would ruin the cruise she's about to go on, the safest thing to do is imagine yourself immortal and living on the moon with your foot chained to the ground.

4.8.14

'behold!' is a good thing to say in front of like, just, what's already going to happen.
a funny way to fuck with someone is to, while talking to them, turn to the side and smile a little and say, 'yeah but, you just dont know who's a cop anymore eh?'  
young adult books starring 'delightful fourth grade loner, Psycho-Nutbag Jones.'
i like the words of this review of 'witch piss.'  

view myself lately as an old house set deep back on a lot of land, with an angry half drunk shotgun wielding man and his stinking half-dead dog guarding it from the porch, leaves at their feet and the temperature perfect outside.
that shit where you notice you've been, involuntarily and only in thoughts, referring to people/other things as 'binzoshers' with that word having no meaning other than 'thing.'

1.8.14

i support police brutality during lollapalooza