21.12.08

I SAW A DEAD BODY ON THE CORNER OF ASHLAND AVE. AND ROOSEVELT AVE. AND I WALKED BY IT [TEN VERSIONS]

1. I was walking on the sidewalk and I saw a body lying on the street with a blanket over it. There were police everywhere. I think maybe the police could’ve situated a bunch of tissues or pillows underneath the blanket just to fool me but I don’t think they would do that.

2. I walked down the street and saw the dead body lying on the street with a blanket over it. I thought about getting underneath the blanket too but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing when the police loaded me into the ambulance.

3. I saw the dead body. There were a lot of people standing around but no one was talking to each other. I crossed the street and there was a man at the other side. I looked at him and said, “It is really cold out.” He said, “Yeah.” And I walked passed him.

4. I walked passed the dead body and after I was out of sight the dead body disintegrated and floated upward in small screams that no one could hear.

5. I walked up to the dead body and the police. I looked at one of the policemen and said, “If you want I can lift it up and put it way high up in a tree so it’s out of everybody’s way.” The policemen said, “For some reason the first thing I thought after you just talked to me was ‘fuck you.’” I thanked him and told him to come get me if he needed someone to throw the dead body way up high into a tree.

6. The dead body wasn’t really there I just mistook a really big puddle for a dead body.

7. I walked up to the dead body and tried to tickle its feet. It didn’t move when I tickled its feet. A cop said, “I tried too. Nothing.” I said, “Let’s treat it like a wishbone.” The cop smiled and turned around. I left.

8. I folded the dead body up when no one was looking. I put the folded dead body up in my pocket. I walked away. I was so excited to have it, I left it in my pocket and touched it once in a while to make sure it was still there. It was always still there. Now I don’t even check.

9. I saw the dead body and walked across the street. I waited at a bus stop with another person. I think the other person was trying not to make eye contact with me. I understood that and appreciated that. I looked at my feet and forgot what I was supposed to be doing for the next couple of decades.

10. I came up to the dead body and I looked at it. I could tell where the nose was and where the mouth was. When I tried to imagine more it became impossible. I wanted to lift the blanket to see the dead body but I knew how cold the dead body would be without the blanket. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t care. I still don’t care.

18 comments:

Daniel Bailey said...

i love this. i laughed out loud really hard after number 2. number five was really nice.

word verification says "bedlyss," which is the middle earth version of sleeping on the floor.

sam pink said...

i love you daniel bailey. i think the actual version went like this:

i was walking down the street. i saw the dead body and the police. i was on the phone. i said, "hey i just saw a dead body." the other person said, "oh wow."

word verification is "muleo" which is a laugh you laugh just to make someone else feel good but then you think about the laugh a lot and hate yourself.

lisa ladehoff said...

yeah this was good. good idea. one time i was eating pizza and i went up to the counter to get a beer and this cop started talking to me and he was wearing cargo pants that were camouflage and then i was like 'dude where did your legs go' and he held up his phone and showed me a picture of a corpse he took the night before


word verification is carfo - this is when you are eating a bacon cheeseburger and food spews everywhere out of your mouth because you laughed in the middle of chewing a huge bite of beef

DOGZPLOT said...

bad ass piece

'muncesce'

old ladies from southern indiana who are too old to get their periods

DJ Berndt said...

Number two is amazing.

Appeph (n.) : One who thinks that he or she is good at grammar but is not.

ty bluesmith said...

that was fucking cool.

Daniel Bailey said...

i love you too, sam.

it says "fujhqd," which is what i say after masturbation when instead of coming outside of my body it all goes back further into me and makes my stomach feel like an extreme change in air pressure.

sam pink said...

lisa, you should've just stared at him and put a piece of pizza into your pants slowly.

barry, you are a badass piece.

dj, cry on my shoulder.

ty, why do we hurt each other?

daniel, the word verification is "eltuntie" a norwegian wrestler with an enormous forehead.

Brandi Wells said...

I got you mlp chap in the mail today. I read it before the others ones because I was most excited about it. I like it. And I like that it is blue, because blue is a very calm color.

sam pink said...

brandi good. i haven't seen it yet because i have been away for a long time. i hope you didn't read it and go "this is a shitty fucking shit sack."

em said...

i am constantly mistaking things for other things like puddles for dead bodies. maybe we need to get our eyes checked but then there would be no mistaking it which would be no fun.


a "wulymist" is the dude that's bringing woolly mammoths back, t-minus two weeks. crazy.

jereme said...

i have seen a dead body before.

i held her hand while she turned blue.

i miss her before she became a corpse.

my special word is 'phipood'.

i ate a lot of meat yesterday and am going to go take a greasy phipood.

Drew Kalbach said...

sam, i just read your mlp story, please write more plays.

sam pink said...

drew, i just looked at your picture. please stop being so sexy.

that play is part of a really long manuscript of plays. i will discuss it soon.

word verification: "trieriv" which is polish for "please stop wiping your hands on my couch you bastard."

Kathryn said...

this is so good. there is always a dead body at that intersection even when there isn't one.

lisa ladehoff said...

lol pizzapants


'wienda' - wanda sykes and winona ryder make lesbo baby

Anonymous said...

This was typically weird and funny. I applaud your endeavour to end my life in this fashion. Sadly I still linger like gravity on a speed date.

I only eat halitosis. It's all I can digest. People don't like it when I feed. They think I like to get close. But I'm just hungry.


albie

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