UPDATE: justin dobbs, who is really fucking cool, interviewed me here.
here are some things i keep thinking
1. i'd like to light my pants on fire and try to endure it
2. i'd like to punch myself in the mouth and knock out some teeth
3. i'd like to pull my closet door off (i could do this, i know it, i believe in myself)
4. i'd like elizabeth ellen to push me from a moving vehicle so my body hits a tree.
what are some good journals to send things to. i have a lot of stuff now. maybe i will just put it here who cares. does anyone want a book of poems or a book of plays i think they are done. i am pretty sure i have fucked them both up, not in a "i hate myself i'm so sad i'm pathetic" kind of way, more like a "no dude, you seriously made these worse" kind of way.
here are some titles i am considering for the poetry book
1. frowns need friends too
2. hurt your own feelings
3. inhaling tile cleaner = rad
4. how to cook crystal methamphetamine
5. official september 11th book
6. fuck you, dummy
7. how to be an awesome dude
8. fetal alcohol syndrome
9. i woke up facedown on my pillow and i thought the world was gone and i became a millionaire.
10. the koran
11. the middle-aged testament
12. the earth sniffed paint while it was pregnant with me
13. bitch tits
i worked on these poems for a long time. longer than usual. the book is basically three smaller books that i put together. i saved maybe like three lines from YUM YUM I CAN"T WAIT TO DIE so that book doesn't exist anymore. then i put two other books with it. it seems pretty good when i am alone in my room and it is 3 a.m. is 28,000 words too long for one poems? do tell.
the other book is plays. if you read the play in no colony or BE NICE TO EVERYONE, they are kind of like that. does anyone know who would publish them? they are more like short stories with dialogue tags and other shit. i think i will call it THE SELF-ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME. holocaust is a word divested from history too so don't be a prick. here are some things that happen in the book, so you maybe like me more:
1. a man is killed when someone rolls up a car window on his neck
2. three policeman catch The Greatest Dad in the World and ask him questions.
3. an old man saw his head off in the hallway of an apartment building.
4. a girl at a halloween party dressed like her own grandmother vomits a huge jawbone and then another girl dressed like a policeman breaks the jawbone along the ground until it cleaves and then she shaves the grandmothers legs with it.
5. a pedophile throws a disabled dog onto a small child and the dog eats the small child's face and head.
6. a man pisses on the grave of an elementary school teacher who refused to let him go to the bathroom every day.
7. two men fight, the loser to be neutered, over an argument about whether or not they like the show CHEERS.
8. two policeman run into a deer in their car then take the deer into the forest and remove all its bones and clean them in a stream.
9. a man finds a frozen sock outside and talks to it.
10. generally, there is conversation of an inhuman nature and nobody listens to each other.
i had fun writing both of these books. as long as i am having fun, i am going to keep doing it. my dad taught me how to be a violent person and how to mistreat others. thanks everyone. it was nice talking to you. hopefully, my next post will be a video of me ripping my closet door off the frame. i think there will be more information about THE HAPPY HUMAN DIGEST coming soon. but start getting videos together of people breaking things and we will post them, provided there will be no legal repercussions. goodbye.
ps--does anyone actually hate me and the writing? if so, please email me and i will post the email to convince others to hate me too. i am serious.