CROWN YOURSELF THEN KILL YOURSELF: MOTHERFUCKERS

5.4.09

MOTHERFUCKERS

SIX GALLERY PRESS is going to publish THE SELF-ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME.

It is a book of 22 plays.

There are 57000 words in the book.

The book will be shaped like a rectangle probably, and probably not a triangle.

If you throw the book into the air it will come down at some point.

The book will not make your sick grandma any better.

Some of the plays have been published in much-different forms in: GUSTAF, ML PRESS, STORYGLOSSIA, my senile uncle’s fridge, DOGFUCKER (a fake journal that gene morgan titled at awp) and lastly, on the back of my face.

It makes me feel good that people might read these.

My hair on my head is getting long.

I feel violent but in a way that is not negative. who wants to fight me. maybe it's time to rip the closet door off in my bedroom.

32 comments:

BLAKE BUTLER said...: exploder
yessssss; April 5, 2009 2:29 PM
Chris East said...: i would like to read these plays

and i would perform them

or make other people perform them against their will; April 5, 2009 2:35 PM
xTx said...: i bought your book. when it arrives i will do a dance that will resemble the face of my mother; April 5, 2009 2:40 PM
ken baumann said...: YES

GIRAFFEULATIONS!; April 5, 2009 2:48 PM
sam pink said...: blake, this is the part where i knee myself in the mouth to make sure i am real.

chris east, do it at knifepoint. gun point is scary but can easily be disrupted. with a knife, someone is getting cut for sure.

xtx, i hope you like it. if you don't i will film myself kneeing myself in the mouth and post it on the blog with a caption that says, "wack-ass bitch."

ken, you know too much.; April 5, 2009 3:40 PM
Ani Smith said...: I'll knee you in the mouth for free.; April 5, 2009 4:06 PM
sam pink said...: i have a boner; April 5, 2009 4:07 PM
sam pink said...: chris, if you perform them let me know. some people in norway are performing some of them. blake performed one of them. ps, i am still afraid of the dark.; April 5, 2009 4:08 PM
elizabeth ellen said...: sam, rip one of my doors off in may. i will buy your book of plays, read it and then immediately burn it. bring a night light.; April 5, 2009 4:18 PM
sam pink said...: yo lizzy. i'm calling you lizzy from now on. what kind of door we talkin? does it have hinges or is it on a sliding track. either way (rolls up sleeves) it's fucking going down.

word verification is "ansup" which is what i say to the door before i rip it off, after drinking a lot of icehouse.; April 5, 2009 4:24 PM
j. a. tyler said...: you slick son of a bitch. congratulations.; April 5, 2009 4:27 PM
sam pink said...: j.a., i imagine you saying that holding a nice cigar, then slapping me on the back, then burning me with the cigar and saying, "nobody looks at j.a. tyler unless i say so."; April 5, 2009 4:29 PM
Matt DeBenedictis said...: The book should be shaped like a fist.; April 5, 2009 5:50 PM
DJ Berndt said...: can the book make me feel better about tripping in public?; April 5, 2009 6:32 PM
Rob said...: You still haven't ripped off that closet door? I think you're all talk...; April 5, 2009 9:53 PM
Matt DeBenedictis said...: The book should be shaped like a beloved family pet on fire.; April 5, 2009 10:14 PM
An Unreliable Witness said...: I am a 'resting' amateur thestre director ('resting' for 16 years, since the end of my drama degree, but don't let that small and tedious fact concern you).

If I could unrest myself and get paid for it, I'm sure I would give my earlobes to direct some of these plays.

Word verification = 'haphing'. It's a verb. To haph. I haph. You haph. They are haphing. We haphed.; April 6, 2009 3:10 AM
DOGZPLOT said...: HELL YESSSSSS; April 6, 2009 6:39 AM
Brandi Wells said...: sam pink, you are a winner. i bet when you are playing that claw game outside the grocery store you can always lift the stuffed kitten. that's what's important in life. lifting that stuffed kitten. i always drop that stuffed kitten.; April 6, 2009 8:00 AM
scott mcclanahan said...: That's great Sam.; April 6, 2009 8:06 AM
sam pink said...: that's it. soon as i get my hands on a camera, i'm finna rip off that door. matt, it's shaped like a giant circle and you read it in a spiral. scott, kiss me you bastard. barry, where's the video son? unreliable witness, i think some of them would have to be filmed. i thought about it some but not a lot.; April 6, 2009 10:30 AM
DOGZPLOT said...: did you get my message. it has no audio... you still want it? if so i'll send it over.; April 6, 2009 10:57 AM
sam pink said...: yo barry. can you record it again? i like your idea of the audio played over her eating a bowl of cereal. that shit is gold. gold damnit.; April 6, 2009 2:24 PM
somethingsomethingelse said...: forget the camera, rip off the door already and give away pieces of it with the book. like: buy my new book, SPLINTER INCLUDED or maybe just ship the whole door to someone who has it coming to them. getting a door in the mail seems like a punishment. maybe it's a miracle. not sure.; April 6, 2009 2:42 PM
DOGZPLOT said...: no, what im saying is, my camera cant record sound. you want me to send you a video only (no sound) of her eating cereal and / or her reading clone. you can see the book in her hand and see that she's reading. there's just no audio.; April 6, 2009 3:21 PM
nathantyree said...: This rocks...

I want to force a small town community theater to do one of your plays and see all the old people in the audience stroke out; April 6, 2009 4:32 PM
sam pink said...: i laughed when i thought about sending someone a door in the mail. and i vaguely considered it. but it would probably cost a lot. nate, "stroke out" is what i'd scream to begin a song if i were in a band.; April 6, 2009 4:41 PM
DOGZPLOT said...: oh shiiiiiiiiit. i got the sound to work after all, son........ i sent that shit to ya. it makes me laugh. she is reading culture is stupid.; April 6, 2009 5:53 PM
Anonymous said...: Yeah SAM!
I am trying to send you vids of my kids reading your stuff. I can't get my email to upload it. I try again now....
pr; April 6, 2009 7:01 PM
daniel bailey said...: blam blam blam just gettin sum acties; April 7, 2009 1:13 PM
Anonymous said...: yay, sam pink!; April 7, 2009 3:46 PM
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 梵,; October 19, 2009 6:53 AM