MY HIGH FIVES SHRED ARMS

THE MAN WATCHING YOU SLEEP HAS FACIAL FEATURES YOU JUST CAN'T SEE THEM


THE MOUNTAINS WEARING SUNGLASSES USE A BLACK UMBILICAL CORD TO FEED THE MACHINE GUN THAT SHOOTS RED QUESTION MARKS


GO AHEAD, DO IT WHILE IT'S SLEEPING, MEAN MAN WITH MELTED SHOES


DON'T FEED THE ALBINO DUCKS OR THEY WILL SOON LIFT THE BOW AND ARROW

HEADLESS ADOLESCENT

RETIREMENT


RIVER PHOENIX UPDATE: STILL DEAD


BECOMING COLD IN THE SHOWER REACHING FOR THE TOWEL IS A GLIMPSE OF DEATH


PICTURE FOR MATTHEW SAVOCA'S E-BOOK "TOUGH"

2 INTERVIEWS WITH IMPORTANT WRITERS

YO HOW'S EVERYONE FEELIN' TONIGHT. I, CAN'T, HEAR, YOU. SOMETHING'S BEEN HAPPENING LATELY WHERE I KEEP ALMOST PASSING OUT. MY EYES GET ALL WATERY AND I HAVE TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH. HELL YEAH! LEMME SEE YA HANDS IF YOUS DOWN WITH RANDOM FAINTING! I, CAN'T, HEAR, YOU. I INTERVIEWED MARY MILLER AND JIMMY CHEN FOR DOGZPLOT MAGAZINE. I AM INTERVIEWING KAREN SUPPER TOO, SHE IS A STRIPPER AND SHE WORKS AT THE BUNNY RANCH IN NEVADA. ONE OF HER ANSWERS IS: "STOP, HAMMER TIME." WHICH I THINK I'M GOING TO START SAYING WHEN I WANT OUT OF A CONVERSATION. THEN LIKE, DANCE AWAY. WIN WIN.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY FROM ALBERT FISH: "A boy or girl's behind, which is the sweetest part of the body and sold as veal cutlet, brought the highest price."

SAY WHAT ALBERT? OH WELL.

FINALLY, I'VE BEEN DOING THE TIM ALLEN "URRRGH?" THING TO PEOPLE A LOT. AT FIRST THEY LAUGH. THEN THEY SEEM TO KEEP THEIR EYE ON ME NO MATTER WHERE I'M AT IN THE ROOM.

I, CAN'T, HEAR, YOU.

OH SHIT AND THIS:

WHERE DOES GLITTER COME FROM, IS THERE LIKE A MINE?

HERE IS THE COVER FOR "THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME." I THINK THIS IS THE COVER. CHE ELIAS IS THE EDITOR AND HE TOLD ME I COULD DESIGN THE COVER. HE SEEMS REALLY COOL. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE FOR NOW. THE NAME OF THE BOOK WILL BE WRITTEN ON THE SPINE, BY HAND, IN RED INK. AND THE BACK WILL BE A LISTING OF THE PLAYS, LIKE THE BACK OF A CD. I WILL NOW CELEBRATE BY TAKING VIOLENT DRUGS AND WALKING DOWN A CITY BLOCK NAKED, WITH A METAL HANGER CATHETER, STARING AT PEOPLE.



I USED: AN OLD PHOTOGRAPH OF MYSELF AT THREE YEARS OLD, A TISSUE PAPER STAINED WITH BOTH RED WINE AND SOMEONE'S NOSEBLEED, SOME REGULAR WHITE PAPER, AND THE HEAD FROM THE "YUM YUM" COVER, WHICH DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. I ALSO USED A GLUESTICK. NO LIE.

DISCOVERY: SOMEBODY TOLD ME SOMEONE SET UP A TWITTER ACCOUNT FOR ME. I WANT WHOEVER IS USING IT TO ALWAYS MENTION PCP IN THE POSTS. LIKE, "JUST SAW EIFFEL TOWER, IN LOVE WITH GIRLFRIEND, GOING TO DO SOME PCP NOW."

NEANDERTHAL CLITORIS

Sleepovers at another person's house always scared me when I was younger because I was worried the entire family would surround me and kill me in the night.

I am certain that you evaporate in my lap, in that you are a matchstick on a glacier.

"Sucks balls" would be a funny way to describe someone's new carpeting.

I have hairy legs.

The entire worls shares the same memory bank.

Everyone is the same.

Everyone is describing the same thing.

I am part of the thing being described.

My superpower is that I am a fucking asshole and I can’t remember anything.

My superpower is that I only remember things that benefit me.

I want to sneak into your room and cut your mattress open and get inside your mattress so that only my face is showing.

My face will be under your covers. It will be fun.

We can be friends and I can entertain you, to avoid being a chore.

We can work out a system of bites and licks so if you ever roll over on me while your sleeping I can communicate that I am dying or just need to talk.

I wish cereal still made me excited.

Kill people by ignoring them.

And don't litter.

THE NEW ISSUE OF UNSAID LOOKS BRUTAL

i have a piece in the next UNSAID. it is "THING THAT DETAILS A TRIP TO THE SUPERMARKET" from CLONE. i think UNSAID will be out in may. here are some of the people in it.

BRIAN EVENSON, BLAKE BUTLER, DAVID OHLE, PETER MARKUS, ROBERT LOPEZ, BEAR KIRKPATRICK, MICHAEL KIMBALL, MEGAN LAYTON, DAWN RAFFEL, EUGENE MARTEN, DAVID HOLLANDER, OTTESSA MOSHFEGH, SHELTON WALSMITH, JASON SCHWARTZ, RUDY WILSON, SARAH MANGUSO, PAUL MALISZEWSKI, RICHARD ST. GERMAIN, SAM MICHEL, EMILIA A. PHILLIPS, BRIAN KUBARYCZ, SVEN BIRKERTS, RICK POINSETT, ALYSON JANE, BIANCA GALVEZ, JOE WENDEROTH, M SARKI, JOANNA HOWARD, WILL ENO, JESSICA NEWMAN, PATRICIA O'CONNELL, MATTHEW THOMPSON, CAROLYN ALTMAN, PETER CHRISTOPHER, ANDY DEVINE, DANIELLE BLAU, RACHEL B. GLASER, KRISTINA BORN, SAM PINK, SHANE JONES, SCOTT GARSON (MORE TOO)

I WONDER IF THERE IS A PERSON NAMED CLIVE JACKSON

I LIKE THE GAME "ICE HOCKEY" FOR REGULAR NINTENDO.

I THINK THE PERFECT COMBINATION OF GUYS WAS: TWO MEDIUM SIZED GUYS, A SKINNY GUY AND A FAT GUY.

THE SKINNY GUY WAS GOOD FOR LIKE, GETTING THE PUCK.

AND THE FAT GUY COULD TEAR SHIT UP.

THE MEDIUM GUYS ARE AVERAGE BUT NECESSARY.

HAVE A NICE NIGHT EVERYBODY.

I ALWAYS THINK "IF I JUST GET A GOOD AMOUNT OF SLEEP I WILL BE FINE"

1

I went to the gas station tonight to buy a drink. I had to wait behind a girl filling up her glass at the fountain. She sipped some of the drink and put a lid on it. I said, “If you were my girl, I’d buy you the 36oz size fountain drink. You could have it all. You could have the biggest fountain drink in the world.” She sipped her 22oz drink and looked at me and said nothing. Then she walked away and I wondered what went wrong because I knew I pronounced everything right.

2

I bought a really big carrot at the store and I sat on a bench at a park eating the really big carrot and there was a kid doing somersaults wearing a watch that looked cool so I thought about telling him but he looked busy. He will never know how I felt about his watch. He said, “that is a really big carrot” and I nodded and he somersaulted away. He looked really dizzy I bet I could’ve pushed him over easily. Let’s see, what else.


UPDIZZLE: MY BROTHER, WAGNER CILIO THE THIRD WROTE A REVIEW OF CLONE THAT MADE ME HAPPY FOR THE ENTIRETY OF TIME I READ IT.

maybe the thing that i like about his review is that he says the book helped him feel better. i know what he means. he is a good boy. a damn fine boy.

MORE UPDATE: at the GUSTAF website there are a lot of interviews. there are these people: wagner cilio, matthew savoca, tao lin, clair donato and me.

I KEEP FORGETTING WORDS NOW

hello. people started to send me the videos for the video project. i have one of a person in a bubble bath. i have one of barry's daughter holding a big bear and then leg-dropping the bear. this might be a good project. i need more. give me more please.

i will post the potential covers for THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME sometime soon. i need to find a scanner. i am pretty excited about it. i drank a lot of red wine and then made the cover. i think the title will only be on the spine. i also think i will make it like a cd, where there is a cover and then on the back a list of all the plays. this book feels good to me, like it combines power and exactness. like when you're talking to someone you hate, and you stop for a second, let the anger diminish, then think of something so perfect and terrible that you can actually feel the other person's self esteem melt.

i am alone.

"my kazoo skills will bald you of your eyebrows"

GUSTAF interview here.

here are some quotes to get you to read. GUSTAF is cool. i am excited about their magazine:

1. "like a severe handjob and a punch in the throat while orgasming into a brown paperbag that will later be used to cover my head while a million bald women with black horns bite my entire body"

2. "ideally a seven foot man covered in blue ink vomiting on a dead cat smashed into the street with a mouthful of flies"

3. GISTAF: what kind of education do you recommend?

me: "a lot of time spent staring at the wall, picking at your toes wondering who will find your gunshot-splintered head."

4. GUSTAF: how many times do you check your email inbox during a day?

me: "i don't have internet at my apartment so whenever i don't feel stupid looking enough to walk to the library."

also, there is a collection of writing collected by bradley sands and michael young.

it is here.

it is called DRAGONS WITH CANCER

it has other buttholes in it.

it has ofelia hunt, blake butler, sean kilpatrick and some other buttholes.

it was edited by buttholes.

i have two stories in it.

one is called RONALD MC DONALD and the other is called THE PEDOPHILE

i hope you get bronchitis and can't sleep.

but the real question is: what does brent bogardus think?

MARY MILLER

I INTERVIEWED MARY MILLER FOR DOGZPLOT.

SHE IS ATTRACTIVE.

I GOT A NEW CAT YESTERDAY FOR FREE. I NAMED HER LAQUISHA. HER FARTS MAKE ME FEEL DEAD.

I THINK THERE'S AN IDEA BEHIND MY FACE

UPDATE: so far blake, lizzy ellen, mary miller, barry graham's daughter and lizzy ellen's daughter will be sending videos. everyone should do this. it will bring people together and it will give us all something do and look at. oh shit, read the rest of this post if you don't understand what i just wrote. if you are a famous internet author, do it, if you are just starting a blog, do it, if you are on your deathbed do it. are you doing the dishes right now? do it. (please)

hi. i sent out the promotional poetry manuscripts to the people who emailed barry. and then right after i mailed them out i panicked about how shitty the manuscript was so i ran home and changed it entirely. i apologize to the people who will get them this week. sorry robb, dmitriy, tracy and elise. i have really bad neuroses. i changed everything. i feel better now. every day is controlled by the neuroses until like two seconds before i fall asleep when i feel like a peaceful rock. i don't know why i do the shit but i know i have to do it. when i was really young, if like my arm hit against the wall when i was walking by, i had to turn around and hit the other arm too. i repeat different word-associations in my head all day. i used to have an elaborate system for checking underneath my bed every night. i wish i could explode on command. i'd turn to someone at the library and go "toodle-oo." then explode. i have an idea. a while ago someone's mom read a poem of mine. barry recently sent me a video of his daughter reading something too. the idea is this. i feel good about the idea. i want to email people sections from the poetry book, now called FROWNS NEEDS FRIENDS TOO, and then i want people to record themselves or someone else reading them. then eventually, if i get a lot of them, i will edit them all together into a short movie kind of thing. if you see a homeless man, record him reading one. if your friend is on drugs, if you are on drugs, record him her or you reading. if you have kids, record them reading a poem. stand in a forest and record yourself reading one. bury yourself in a pile of clothes except for your head and arms and read a poem. i think the project will be nice to look at if people actually do it. email me with your idea and i will select a poem to send you. if you don't want to do it, that's cool, but i think it will be nice. thanks. bye.

MOTHERFUCKERS

SIX GALLERY PRESS is going to publish THE SELF-ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME.

It is a book of 22 plays.

There are 57000 words in the book.

The book will be shaped like a rectangle probably, and probably not a triangle.

If you throw the book into the air it will come down at some point.

The book will not make your sick grandma any better.

Some of the plays have been published in much-different forms in: GUSTAF, ML PRESS, STORYGLOSSIA, my senile uncle’s fridge, DOGFUCKER (a fake journal that gene morgan titled at awp) and lastly, on the back of my face.

It makes me feel good that people might read these.

My hair on my head is getting long.

I feel violent but in a way that is not negative. who wants to fight me. maybe it's time to rip the closet door off in my bedroom.

I SMASH MY SMILE AGAINST YOURS

ani smith read I SMASH MY SMILE AGAINST YOURS from CLONE.

if anyone can get like a really old man or woman, or a small child to read any of the stuff in CLONE or if you want something new, email me. i will post the video or audio.

i have something cool to say soon.