BITCH ASS DWEEB

this is the back cover, spine, and front cover of THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME, in that order. below that is a list of the plays. dan brewster did the design. he is a loked out crip, i think. here is his email and company website in case you need help designing something.

dnbrwstr@gmail.com

http://www.ddvhs.com/




PLAYS

1. THE BASTARDS [THEY TRAVEL IN QUIET—WITH THE HOLY FATHER LANDING CREW]

2. BE NICE TO EVERYONE [VERSION 1]

3. YOU CAN’T CONTROL A KITE

4. ALL THE DISCIPLES

5. THE PEDOPHILE [AND HIS MENSES]

6. THE BASTARDS [THEY ERASE A WEAKLING]

7. BE NICE TO EVERYONE [VERSION 2]

8. CANCER KILLS

9. THE HUMAN BODY AS A FIREPLACE

10. FRIENDSHIP IS NICENESS AND IS

11. EZZARD AND FANON

12. THE BASTARDS [THEY MAKE A HOLOCAUST]

13. EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK AT THE CLOUD FACTORY

14. BE NICE TO EVERYONE [VERSION 3]

15. THE BASTARDS [THEY MAKE PEACE WITH MOTHER EARTH]

16. BE NICE TO EVERYONE [VERSION 4]

17. THE POLICEMAN IS A FORM OF PUNISHMENT

18. BE YOUR OWN WICK

19. HAVE TROUBLE

20. THE PEDOPHILE [AND HIS KINDNESS]

COMPLETE DISGRACE IS SOMETHING YOU NOD YOUR HEAD TO YEAH?

there will be another printing of I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT, in two weeks, if you want one. if you don't want one there will still be another printing. but if you don't want one that might be the last printing. i think it would be nice to have watercolor fingertips. i will post more about this tour idea soon. i think i am also going to post a written account of a fun time i had using ketamine. lots of things. i hope everyone is as happy as they've decided they want to be or can bear. i'm almost done writing a short book in the same tone as THING THAT DETAILS A TRIP TO THE SUPERMARKET, which is in CLONE and UNSAID 5. if anyone has an extra copy of UNSAID 5, can i have it? i want to make sure i have pjhyscial proof i did some shit on earth so when an electrician finds my stinking corpse he can look at the few print copies of my work and go, "hmm, not a total piece of shit." the book i just mentioned is called BBOOM SLEEP (typo intentional). it has the best ending to a book i could think of. from now on, when i read at a reading, i am going to wear my confirmation robe and put black paint on my face. i am being serious. somebody invite me to read. my stomach hurts. i just watched a cat puke, then the other cat come out of hiding behind the fridge and smell the puke and look at me like it was confused.

I GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT

i finished revisions for FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO last night. it's 24,000 words of thug ass prose poems. it's more pessimistic than ever. there are no references to masturbation. there are fewer jokey parts. there are numerous references to committing suicide by doing nothing. it's a kick to the eye with long toe nailed foot i guess. this blog kind of sucks right. i still have the videos people made of themselves reading poems from the book. i will post them soon, around the time the book comes out. if anyone works at a printer and can make free posters, email me. i think that was my only attempt to promote the book. has anyone ever taken melatonin to go to sleep. it gives you weird dreams. wellbutrin i think gives you nightmares. isn't the world just so dead uncle. i talked to jordan castro recently about doing a tour in the summer. the tour would be called something like, "hurt your dad '10 tour." anyone who wanted to come could come. we'd rent a van and just drive around. old school hardore style. sleep in the van. no showers. probably total dude fest. sell books for food and gas. do readings in basements at house parties. get into fights. run from police. sleep on the highway when the van breaks down. one dude stays up guarding the van while the others sleep. this dude would be requied to blow on the alpine horn (a kazoo purchased at a gas station) if any intruders lurked. does anyone want to lurk with me? if you can make this tour happen this summer, let me know. have a good weekend. pictures:

THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME, AND "THE ANOREXIC BITCH"

i just finished the last edits of THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME. it will be out soon i think. i am really excited about it. it has twenty plays in it, some are multiple versions and all work together to create a story. you can read the book in different orders too and then make different stories. right now it's about 300 some pages. i will post the cover designs soon. i drank a whole huge bottle of KEFIR today at work and now my stomach hurts really bad. last night i stubbed my toe so hard i almost puked dude!

there is an excerpt up at EXQUISITE CORSPE, it's from a novella i am working on. the chapter is called THE ANOREXIC BITCH INVENTS OCEAN. the excerpt is a chapter from the novella HURT POPULATIONS. the novella is one half of a book that is two novellas, each radically different but occuring simultaneously. i wrote half of the book four years ago and the other just recently. if you have ever wanted to read a story about an anorexic woman and a dog that bites off its own tongue, this is your chance. bye.

ps, i don't think you need a lot of context to understand the chapter. there really isn't a plot. it's just a lot of seizures and random things happening involving gender, paranoia, violence, and the idea of becoming.

FROWNS NEED FRENDS TOO

afterbirth books told me FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO will be published sooner because another book got delayed. after i read the email saying that, i read some of the book again. and i didn't go "yikes." george bush everyone, you know. we need to get out of vietnam. i think i accidentally put my finger in my mouth today after using bleach. am i going to die. bitch ass dweebs. i think more authors need to shoot each other to make people love reading again. today while working at the deli, i had a long fantasy that involved me running my head through the meat slicer and feeling the way the blade like, grinded to a halt when encountering the bone behind my eyebrow, and i could feel the twitching of my face. just recently, i had a long fantasy about my leg being broken at a ninety degree angle just above the ankle. now i am envisioning myself having two legs like that, walking up a wall. i realized today that i am not cool, but i don't mean that in a way like, i secretly admire that about myself, i just mean i am not cool, like i don't have a cool voice or a cool walk, and whenever i have a chance to say something cool in response, i usually go, "i see."

THERE IS ENEMY IN MY HEAD HOLE

You have a recent fixation of imagining yourself front-flipping through a table and then just lying there laughing.

It is time to burn a building.

I can see a man wearing a bedsheet sitting in a living room saying to himself, 'Ok I will be there in a minute.'

You are bored because you hate yourself.

The three seconds of dryness in my mouth when I pull the air for a breath I use to avoid thinking something is either massive or tremendous.

Boing smoosh boom sleep.

HUMAN BEINGS ARE TOYS

here are the two covers for HUMAN BEINGS ARE TOYS. i did one and kari freitag did the other. they will both have the same back cover. it is a 3ooo word poem. the poem has no humor in it. i feel different now.

here is the one i made. left side is back cover. right side is front cover. i handmade it. click on it yeah.




here's the one kari did. it will have the same back cover as the other one:

HIJO DE CHINGADA

hi. the first thing i heard getting out of work yesterday was "well fuck you too nigga." i feel focused. i am impatient for people to read new work. there are a lot of people driving those golf cart type things for disabled people, in the area where i work. sometimes when i am sitting outside on break i expect to hear a slow droning, and then get surrounded by people in the golf cart things, each armed with something sharp, and they slice up my legs while i scream. an old woman kepet yelling "merlot" at me today at work. i will be fired soon. i don't like when peopple treat me like part of their purchase. you will read about me in the news after i bury a bottle of merlot in someone's head. i am very sad lately. very sad. one thought i have a lot if "i feel bad about everything." does that make sense? are there any schools in chicago that would let me go there to study martin heidegger? i am almost done writing this dual novella book. i am not sure i want them to be together still. one is tentatively called BOOM SLEEP and the other is called HURT POPULATIONS. i feel focused now. like i have spent an entire year sitting in a fire made of ice cubes and now i know how to breathe inside of it. what a terrible thing the fact that you can see faces that hide so much you will never know. what a terrible thing that you've trained your face to do the same thing. i will crush everything i've ever done every time i do something else. i will post the covers for HUMAN BEINGS ARE TOYS soon. if i had money i would print up all my own shit. i don't know if i believe in myself. does anyone want to start a grindcore band with me? i can sing. i will wear dickies and boots and no shirt and just scream into a microphone while pointing at the audience like they are shit. we can be called FATHER/SON MAKE-OUT PARTY. make your mother cry. here's a handwritten poem:



(my area code is 312)

"EAR SIZZLES"

this is an informative post.

i give my cat something i call "ear sizzzles." here are two methods for performing an "ear sizzle" which all cats find pleasurable. (dogs like it too, more i think)

method #1 (underhand sizzle)



this method involves placing thumb and (at least) forefinger on the in and outside of the cat's ear, using the cheeks as foundations for your hands. the sizzler then makes a rubbing motion (calibrate sizzling according to cat sturdiness). the rubbing motion is like the motion people make to signify "money." also, the cat ear should feel like a cold dollar bill.

method #2 (overhand sizzle)



same basic technique only now the sizzler goes overhand, for a more, ear-tip sizzle, almost more sensitive. remember the "money" motion from earlier? good, you'll need that now, only flip it upside down. think more "sprinkling something" now. you got it!