AN ANALYSIS OF A PICTURE OF ME AT A READING/TOTAL NARCISSISM

1. HOOD ON INDOORS: perhaps an attempt to re-create the comfort of the womb? more likely a way to feel withdrawn. some speculate also this could be an attempt to secure oneself from getting "slimed" on top of the head. sources close to the subject however, maintain that the hood on indoors is merely a way to smash down hair during the critical growing out stage, so as to avoid "the poof."

2. MOUSTACHE: meant un-ironically. pure and simple an exhibition of the subject's cowboy masculinity. somewhat akin to the moustache of an older mexican or italian man, rather than a way to seem cool.

3. WHITE T-SHIRT: no doubt part of a three-pack from Target (9 dollars for three). the way the subject's necklace pinches down the collar would suggest a "v-neck" but no. it has yet to be confirmed whether or not this is the one from the three-pack that has a red wine stain on it.

4. BOTH HANDS GRIPPING THE READING MATERIAL: perhaps an attempt to avoid having to make motions with hands. more likely a characteristic sign of subject's normal pent-up energy.

5. OLD ASS BOOTS: going on two years of constant use, these boots were allegedly given to the subject by an old man after said old man saw the condition of the previous pair. the current pair is said to be flapping apart much like a hobo's tophat. current pair is also said to, "reek bad."

6. BACKPACK: perhaps a sign that the subject has no other way of carrying the books he brings to readings to sell and then shies out of asking people to buy.

7. CAPRI SUN (MOUNTAIN COOLER FLAVOR): no doubt a way to kill the dry mouth before a reading. sources close to the subject say he lives a life that requires the pure energy only a pouch can provide.