i am willing to mail the following books to people for the price of shipping (five dollars) if you write an amazon review for them.
1 copy of person
1 copy of no hellos diet
3 copies of hurt others
3 copies of no one can do anything worse to you than you can
also, if you have a copy of any of these, and you give it to your friend, i will mail you a replacement copy for free.
i invented a new basketball move today, i think. i will draw a diagram soon to explain it later.
also, if anyone in chicago wants to play pick-up soccer games, email me firstname.lastname@example.org
also, me and cameron pierce came up with a good novel idea if anyone wants to write it. it's about a "bad boy" dirt bike racer where the race scenes are just novelizations of excitebike (for NES) races.
I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT will be out soon.
FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO will be out at the end of the summer, with a bonus introduction written by "hollywood daddy" jereme dean. seems like a lot of people don't like jereme. i feel like if you are not defensive and have a sense of humor, you will like jereme dean as much as i do. he is my favorite person that i've met while "being a writer."
that brings me to my last thing. if there is any magazine out there that would pay me to write an article (one of a kind and extremely long/extensive) about my experience of "being a writer" then email me. email@example.com
also, if you mail me drugs, i'll mail you something back. like a drawing or my cat, or maybe even the last ten years of my life (psyche, there's only like five years left anyway!)
i feel like it's time to really beat the shit out of myself and see what happens.
when i was younger, me and some of the kids i hung out with, would just run and jump face first into big bushes. it was really fun. then one time i overjumped one and landed on my chest and it hurt.
i feel like if someone in chicago is motivated enough, s/he should organize a reading at the end of the summer at lake michigan. we can all go to the beach by lake michigan and read to each other. maybe get in the water.
also, i started a band with kelly schirmann. it's going to be an electronic pop band. she is a very talented singer. and i'm--i have a drum machine. if anyone has a good band name for this, let me know. so far i like "strawberry ass."
my favorite boxer of all time is rocky marciano. he retired 49-0 with 43 knockouts (pretty sure that was it). i like him because he was a good boxer and for other reasons. here are some of the other reasons.
1. he was small. he weighed 188 pounds. today's heavyweights weigh up to like 270 pounds.
2. his style was just to keep punching you everywhere on your body until he could hit you in the face. with one of his opponents, he punched his opponents arms until his opponent couldn't hold them up anymore, then marciano punched him in the face.
3. during one fight, with hall of famer "ezzard charles" (who the character EZZARD in "EZZARD AND FANON" [play from self esteem holocaust] is named after), during that fight, ezzard charles accidentally hit marciano in the nose with his elbow. this caused marciano's nose to split up the middle in a really gruesome way. the ref told marciano between rounds that this was the last round, that he'd stop the fight after this round because of the cut. so marciano went out the next round and knocked out hall of famer ezzard charles and won.
4. he was very polite and nice. before boxing matches they always have "stare downs" where they weigh the fighters then have them face each other, with their faces real close. usually, fighters talk a bunch of shit at this point and try to be tough. i saw a video of marciano at a "staredown" and his opponent was from england. marciano just smiled and shook his hand and said, "how ya doin. nice to meet you. i hope you had a nice flight in."